If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
