so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
