I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
one might say we're banned from that church
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
