Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
