that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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