Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
