Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
