All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
