Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
