tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
