You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
