I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
