I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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