i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
