Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
