I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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