I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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