so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
