I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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