Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sobbing to NWA
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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