i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
