You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
