in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
