i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
