I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
