i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
