this beer tastes like vomit already
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
