The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
