Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
