I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize