I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
