I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize