would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
