my room smells like sperm. sweet.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
