I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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