Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
