I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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