Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
