I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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