that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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