I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
