now i know why i became what i already was.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
