Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
