he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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