So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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