Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
