the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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