So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
