i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize