mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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