My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
