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accomplished twins. life is a go
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
