How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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