I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
