You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
