The maid of honor just puked.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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