I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
