I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
