My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Every concussion has its silver lining
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
