so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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