So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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