I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
