Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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