Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
