You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
