I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
