you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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