Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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