For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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