Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
