i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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