We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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