The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
where am i from again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
