I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
