i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
